so disappointing

Two weeks check-in about meal and training plan: disappointed.
vacation was in between but I sticked to the plan quite much. I love the workouts , I hate the diet...ok I don't like the cardio either and I miss more bodycombat and I miss the compounds and some of the exercises i don't know how to perform. And I hate the smith machine.....

here's what I have written to my coach (some parts):

"Obviously I have done something very wrong. I look even worse than when I started. Concerning the plan, the first week I followed it quite strictly unless for the timing. I rarely manage to have that many meals, so I sometimes have made the 2nd and 3rd into one. Depending also on when I work out, sometimes I've switched the order of some to make sure pre and post workout were actually pre and post workout.

Second week , as you know, I was on vacation and everything went differently. I skipped one workout, the one on tuesday, day I was flying back.
As for the meals, I couldn't calculate exactly cause it was not me cooking, but roughly calculated it fitted my macros and most of it was included in the plan.  I cheated, I confess: everyday I had 1 chocolate cookie with fiber with my breakfast, this "digestive" cookies (about 85 calories and 4 gr. of fat and I tracked it in myfitnesspal) and the last day I was there I ate chocolate (about 40 gr.)

It wasn't easy at all: my cravings for sweets were awful. My bulimic tendencies have gotten worse too. I didn't binge but the urge was there ...or I "binged", sometimes having 3 scoops of whey or some day having 3 tbs of nut butter...oh, God! I'm a mess! " ...and I went on ....


You get the idea...I haven't followed the plan to the T but I think I have followed it quite much and....it wasn't worth it AT ALL!!!! I sacrificed and look worse.

Fuck it all!

I'm off!

Fuck competition. I just want to look good.

So I suggested some changes...let's see what she replies...she's gonna tell me to go to hell! LOL, if I have a coach I should do what she says, but , I kinda have and look worse?...fuck that shit! I didn't expect improvement on the first two weeks but I didn't expect looking worse! So much effort for nothing!!!! I'm really angry and disappointed right now.