Saturday I notice a tingling feeling in both hands. I have had this feeling for a long time, but at that point it seemed present all the time while other times came and went.... I aasked a friend of mine who is a nurse and he told me that maybe it's because of lifting wrong.... I don't think I lift wrong...but anyway it could be a pinched nerve or something...I have no idea, I have to see a doctor...I have an appointment tomorrow....The thing is that that friend told me I might not be able to lift heavy again....that piece of "news" crushed me.... I couldn't stop crying just thinking of the possibility of not being able to lift. I just hope he's wrong...At that point I though that, being like that, fitocracy doesn't make any sense for me so...I deleted my account. I don't want to be there if I only can log shit workouts.... it would make me feel ashamed... It hit me quite hard... I still don't know what's wrong, neither if it is actually a problem...but I can't make my peace with the idea.... Now that I'm starting to see results, it would be awful if I had to stop. Now that I found something I like....Ok, I like bodycombat too...but I want to lift, I want the challenge, I want to get stronger and push myself and want to transform my body.
last thursday it was amazing: I got to see my serratus for the first time, I was amazed...Like...seeing progress little by little...and I don't want to stop.
My weekend was plain awful...and I took two rest days (Saturday and Sunday) instead of one :( I was just exhausted, tired, depressed, unmotivated..... Actually I was unmotivated today too but I went to the gym, it was chest day..... and I'm thinking about coming back to fitocracy but I guess I should wait until I know for sure if I can keep on lifting. I really hope so.
I'm still feeling quite down. The gym couldn't cheer me up so much....not today.... :(
Other things I should mention at the appointment tomorrow, apart from the tingling feelinf is the pain in the elbows and the weak knee.... Fuck! I'm a mess!!!!
Showing posts with label lifting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label lifting. Show all posts
Monday, December 2, 2013
Thursday, August 29, 2013
How the opinions of others DO (unfortunately) matter
I'm still not feeling very well.
I have been thinking and maybe I'm wrong but I think that my feelings have to do with the way I'm treated. I hate the new job among other things because the bosses have to show you all the time that they are your superior, therefore, you are "inferior"... Now that should in the first place not be like that, I hate that, and I was stupid accepting the job cause already the test day I saw how the area manager ( the bitchiest bitch of them all) was treating the rest ( meaning: like crap!) : they (who normally would be quite the outgoing and secure and even bossy people) were afraid and intimidated...Fuck! At that point I though "WTF! I really don't want to work with that woman!" but....then the job was offered to me and I couldn't say no...I guess because of the job name: "trainer"... I got blinded and thought I rather take it: Bad decision....I can't cope with that! They making me feel inferior makes me feel inferior in other aspects too: like this idea of mine that I won't be able to achieve a physique or achive anything valuable for me whatever it is.... I have battled all my life against inferiority complex, and when I seemed to have overcome it, rather feeling too confident , which is good for me) than "less than the rest"...then I get this job and everything sucks again... Story of my life! why do I keep doing that to myself? or making the worng choices?
Thing is, if they treat me like crap, I feel like crap. :/ I want to be treated nicely, or at least neutral but not like the last shit of this fucking country, which, BTW, I want to leave ASAP ( so tired of it!!!). They treating me like that feeds my insecurities and then I feel not able to achieve my goals, I choose to give up on them and , of course, that puts me further away from them... It's like that in almost all aspects of my life but for one: lifting! (thank dog!)... The same way as these fucking bitches treat me like crap and make me feel insecure, my (former?) PT is convinced that I can lift, that I can compete in a year, that I'm progressing, he admires my work ethic (that means the world to me!).... and I admire him and I believe and trust him 100%... maybe because of his trust in me and my trust in him, my lifts are still ok, maybe because of his believing in me and me believing in him I haven't given up on lifting.
I need to get out of that job and start being the old me again: confident, happy, enjoying life, having goals.... I had the world in my hands, or rather the perspective to have it, I was enjoying life and feeling capable of anything...then I got this job and everything got screwed.... Fucking shit!
I have been thinking and maybe I'm wrong but I think that my feelings have to do with the way I'm treated. I hate the new job among other things because the bosses have to show you all the time that they are your superior, therefore, you are "inferior"... Now that should in the first place not be like that, I hate that, and I was stupid accepting the job cause already the test day I saw how the area manager ( the bitchiest bitch of them all) was treating the rest ( meaning: like crap!) : they (who normally would be quite the outgoing and secure and even bossy people) were afraid and intimidated...Fuck! At that point I though "WTF! I really don't want to work with that woman!" but....then the job was offered to me and I couldn't say no...I guess because of the job name: "trainer"... I got blinded and thought I rather take it: Bad decision....I can't cope with that! They making me feel inferior makes me feel inferior in other aspects too: like this idea of mine that I won't be able to achieve a physique or achive anything valuable for me whatever it is.... I have battled all my life against inferiority complex, and when I seemed to have overcome it, rather feeling too confident , which is good for me) than "less than the rest"...then I get this job and everything sucks again... Story of my life! why do I keep doing that to myself? or making the worng choices?
Thing is, if they treat me like crap, I feel like crap. :/ I want to be treated nicely, or at least neutral but not like the last shit of this fucking country, which, BTW, I want to leave ASAP ( so tired of it!!!). They treating me like that feeds my insecurities and then I feel not able to achieve my goals, I choose to give up on them and , of course, that puts me further away from them... It's like that in almost all aspects of my life but for one: lifting! (thank dog!)... The same way as these fucking bitches treat me like crap and make me feel insecure, my (former?) PT is convinced that I can lift, that I can compete in a year, that I'm progressing, he admires my work ethic (that means the world to me!).... and I admire him and I believe and trust him 100%... maybe because of his trust in me and my trust in him, my lifts are still ok, maybe because of his believing in me and me believing in him I haven't given up on lifting.
I need to get out of that job and start being the old me again: confident, happy, enjoying life, having goals.... I had the world in my hands, or rather the perspective to have it, I was enjoying life and feeling capable of anything...then I got this job and everything got screwed.... Fucking shit!
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