I'm depressed. The trigger is the job but I guess there's something else going on cause it cannot be only the job.... I don't even feel like writing much so I'll copy from a message I wrote a friend:
I am...suicidal....today the suicidal fantsies became really suicidal thoughts, meaning, thinking how I would do it and not only that I don't want to live.... I know it can get better but.... so what, when i'm dead i won't miss anything anymore.... changing job was a bad decision, it was the trigger for the situation in which I am now...sometimes I feel I'm just not prepared for life.... you know, after all what is life? job and relationship...I always get overwhelmed with my jobs, it's not the first time that that happens to me...and relationships...I have given up for good....
Today I went to the gym but I asked myself "what for?" I don't have any dreams or goals anymore....
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