And now for some stream of consciousness.....
Diet. Follow, Step it up. Regretting again...aaaarrrghhh, whatever, emotionally eating. Yes, emotional, or too tired to be emotional, to be sad, tired to be angry . People =Shit or tire of plying with this bow an arrow. It's so much ...and so little, weekend again, just tired, I should be in bed, head thoughts rushing, waiting, wanting, hoping and dispairing, not dispairing, resigning, and tomorrow is another day, rest day ugh...and so guilty, fuck, diet, diet , diet, and the morning full of hope and now...so lonely, need a cat, no i need "him", i don't need "him" , I don't need anyboby, just me, I just get a little lonely sometimes and not accountable, damn it, I hate myself for that. Txt, No, maybe, i don't know . Sleep...wait, hope, expect, don't expect, never expect. Tired....
I don't know anything about the goals in ur personal life... but... I have few comments to say...
ReplyDeleteHaving goals about the size of your body parts is just as blunt and as crude as "I shud become rich". No body stops there. I mean... what is someone supposed to do once he/she becomes rich? Is that the ultimate goal? What they want to do with that money becomes their ultimate goal. Buying a costly car/flat or going on some trip etc. are the most common plans for which money is a necessity.
In the same way, you should be exploring yourself if getting a six-pack or having a 15 inch biceps or having a really erotic pubis is really your ultimate goal. What do u want to do once you (Eventually) achieve these body shape/size related goals? do you want someone to appreciate it? Are you planning make a career(fitness model) out of it? Just think about it.
What ever you list down as the ultimate goals...
(no matter what they are) .. they should provide you to get rid of this kind of frustrations.
You just need a paper and pen. Write the list down and paste it on the wall where u can see it before going to the bed. "Tomorrow" looks more meaningful if u do that.
thank you. That's helpful! I'll do that :) ...Still I'm trying to go slow cause if the goal is too far away or not depending only on me to achieve then it can make me lose motivation...Some of my goals are long term (maybe competing in two years9 and some other shorter (looking leaner than I'm looking now, getting a six-pack)...what for: to feel better about myself mainly, if someone appreciates it, all the better but my goal is being satisfied with my body. Still, I'll give it a deeper thought and write it down and have it at sight :)
ReplyDeleteIts good to have a target of impressing yourself. But that comes with a cost. If "I don't care a damn about what others think" kind of mind state comes naturally to you... then you are on the right track.
ReplyDeleteBut if you have the tendency to occasionally stop and question yourself...
"why am I doing this?" or
"what am I going to achieve with this?" or
"Did I waste a lot of my time for no rewards?" etc. then the chances are likely that you might get frustrated.
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Some people think that they belong to the first group.(where u don't care about others).
But that's just a temporary Vairagya (Vairagya = no interest at all in anything). Temporary Vairagya is triggered by the frustration of "no results for my efforts" state. (There is a kid's bed time story about it in India - A fox hates the grapes that are too high to reach).
A person should have practiced reaching "nirguna" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nirguna) state of mind in order to truly ignore others' opinions. Nirguna state is a state where your mind is at equilibrium and is not oriented towards the three dimensional "gunas" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guna#In_Samkhya_philosophy)
Sattva guna = makes you feel happy (modern science calls it Euphoria - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Euphoria)
Rajo guna = makes you move/act/rage depending on its intensity (modern science calls it Adrenalin)
Tamasa guna = makes you feel sad/depressed/suicidal depending on its intensity
And going by your past posts, I guess you have more of "Tamasa guna" and I doubt that you have developed rejection sensitivity http://www.evolutioncounseling.com/rejection-sensitivity.html
That's too many links already and hope you wont block me from spamming your blog. (And Im not done yet )
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The whole idea of "working out" is to have a healthy body and energetic mind. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanuman#Epithets_and_attributes
If you are too occupied in worrying about the "end results" ... you will miss the chance to enjoy the ride to reach your destination. Strength training will trigger the release of endorphins ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endorphin ) that boost up your mood. Don't dilute the happiness of "working out" by worrying about your body.
May be we have a lot to learn from the Greek mythological king Sisyphus. The Myth of Sisyphus : An attempt to show that real-happiness doesn't depend on hope, faith, or anything else that goes beyond immediate experience http://www.sparknotes.com/philosophy/sisyphus/section11.rhtml
After all... Arnold said that the joy of working out is orgasmic http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3J4rNWHeuW0
DeleteIt also is for me, I have a lot of fun while working ou, if I didn't, I wouldn't work out on the first place, but the goal is not ONLY having fun for me...and you can't classify people in such a simple manner, i'm an optimist, but I'm down to earth, I'm happy and sometimes sad, I enjoy and worry...like any other person. And yes I care about what some people think, but i'm not there to please them.
ReplyDeleteya.. they are just two points. In real world, people tend to fall in a linearly interpolated (or exponentially extrapolated) location - somewhere in between those two groups.
DeleteI mean... when I say people are of two types...
Delete1) rich
2) poor
I don't mean that all rich people will earn 99,987$ per month
and all the poor will earn 13$ per month. They will be in-between :) or beyond