I'm scared. I did some stuff I wantd to have done before leaving. I managed the 231 lbs DL and I told my crush I love him. I gave everything in the gym today, I ate also way too much, I haven't even counted because....what for?" I bougth duct tape...stupid since where I want to do it is not closed enough. I want to do it in the shower cabin. My bathroom is small, so I'll just put some wet towels where the air gets in, so the gas cannot go out, then prepare the mixture and inhale it, I'm thinking of putting a towel (dry) over my head and the bucket. It's gonna smell bad but they say it's done in minutes...
I'm so scared.... do I really want to do it? Yesterday I felt lonlier than even and... overwhelmed!
Today I had a mail from the job again...that always makes me wanna die...Something didn't work well and they didn't receive my sick-leave paper, so they're threatening me that if they don't have it by tomorrow it counts as if I had just not gone...meaning they might want to take me to court or make me pay, or ...who knows?! Damn it! That's so stressful!
The other thing is...well...love...not going good at all... He says he didn't have time...Fuck that! Everybody has time for a message....just I guess he had time for messaging ...just not to message me.... Damn it! Obviously he's not interested and maybe he's interested in that other girl he told me about once...Fuck everybody!!!!!!!... well....not everybody, some people are being great help, thanks fitos! <3 <3 <3
Damn it! I can't... shit! Fuck! so coward!!!! do I want to be rescued or what! Fuck that shit!
I'm thinking now for hours.... I guess I want to be rescued...but nobody is there to rescue me, I feel so lonely... I guess that's a sign, a sign that I should do it....I'm so scared.....
Hey Lexie,
ReplyDeleteDon't let the bastards get you down.
You can rescue yourself, you're a warrior!
Good luck