Again.... WHAT FOR?! Somehow my dreams and hopes have crushed..if I had them on the first place. Reality made its appearance again.
Yesterday my doctor seemed worried when I was telling her I was doing good.... maybe because she could suspect what comes next: what I'm experiencing now: another low. I can't live like this forever: I can't go to that job but i'm not putting enough effort on finding a new one.... And do I want to stay in this couintry? No, but ...if I want to leave, that would complicate my life more! and...do I even think that leaving the cointry would mean leaving my problems here?...No miss, your problems come with you in your invisible luggage...You don't even have to pay foe extra baggage, no matter how heavy they are....
I'm having the thoughts again. And I should just do it, not saying anything. Stopping being a drama queen seeking for attention and just doing it. Now it would be a good time actually. BFF's brother will be in town, that means BFF won't contact me.... and I don't really have miore people so...the time seems perfect. I'm glad I didn't throw away the products....
Since the time that I was feeling bad to now , I have lived some good moments, especially last weekend... It's like a good bye present...or I want to see it that way....But enough is enough...of the good, of the bad, of everything....
I might give myself a couple of days more but I DON'T want to make it til monday.... I'Ll keep on doing as planned: paperwork for the therapy and stuff.... who knows, maybe I change my mind last minute....but I don't think so and actually I kinda don't want too....what happens when I'm "rescued"? then I fall again.... Hope's a bitch.
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