I was fired. I feel relieved. Now a lot of paperwork and starting therapy on tuesday.
Today I went to a therapist to for ambulant sessions. He seems to know his shit, maybe he'll help. he asked what do I want from the therapy, the question caught me a bit off-guard, but what I want is being able to have a more or less "normal" life. Not ordinary, I woule never like an ordinary life, but I want to be able to live, be able to work, be able to have a relationship, cause, honestly...I'm a wreck:
-I want to find a job that I enjoy doing and the most important, where I'm treated right. But I want to develop the skills to act in the case of not being treated well....act to change things not just being overwhelmed and wanting to die.
-I want to be able to have a relationship. I suck at them....The last guy I liked (and still do) just doesn't write anymore. I guess I did something wrong. He says he has no time and I believe him but again... 5 seconds for a message everybody has...he has changed his attitude towards me completely and it hurts like fucking hell...and what hurts the most is that i still have a tiny bit of hope... That's so dangerous! I know the situation: I lose the guy and feel the loss, then I lose hope and can't cope with the world....well...It won't be like that this time because it wasn't a relationship but it has been like that in the past. I want to change that too.
-And control the eating, I want to do that too.
My therapist seems great.
My life is a mess.
About training: Monday and Wednesday i really went BEAST mode...and my back is still hurting :( so I'm having a rest day ( Usually Friday is my rest day anyway) and will train strengh timorrow and strength and cardio on Sunday. Somehow I'm not as motivated as usual...
*Feeling like shit"
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